Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace Review

Director: George Lucas (The man who created Star Wars)
Producer: George Lucas and Rick McCallum (George Lucas's right-hand man)
Screenplay: George Lucas
Starring: Liam Neeson (Schindler's List, Batman Begins), Ewan McGregor (Moulin Rouge, Angels and Demons), Natalie Portman (V for Vendetta, Black Swan), Jake Lloyd, and Ian McDiarmid      
Gross Revenue: $924,317,558 (Number 14 all time)
Rotten Tomatoes TomatoMeter: 62%
IMDB Rating 6.4
Academy Awards: Nominated for Best Visual Effects, Best Sound Effects, and Best Sound

     Star Wars.  Undoubtedly the greatest film franchise of all time.  A cultural milestone with more influence on filmmaking then probably any other film of its kind.  A 3 film trilogy was released in the 70’s and 80’s, grossing significant amounts of money to great critical acclaim.  George Lucas, either in an attempt to complete the story or to squeeze every bit of money out of his franchise, whichever you believe, started working on a prequel trilogy in 1997.  By his reasoning, the technology had finally caught up with his vision for the Star Wars universe that he imagined in his mind.   So the groundwork began for the completion of the great film saga of all time.  Easily the most anticipated film of all time, heavily promoted by the media, The Phantom Menace largely disappointed casual and passionate fans of Star Wars.  For good reason, because the movie sucks.

     The Phantom Phantom Menace takes place 32 years before the events of A New Hope.  Obi-Wan is still a brash, young Jedi, Luke and Leia are not yet born, and Anakin Skywalker is just a kid.  The peaceful planet of Naboo has been blockaded by the Trade Federation, and two Jedi Knights are dispatched there to negotiate their departure.  After negotiations fail, the Jedi meet up with the Queen on the planet, and escape from the blockaded planet.  Eventually they arrive on Tatooine, where they meet up with a nine year old slave named Anakin Skywalker, who is blissfully unaware of his dark destiny.  He just loves to Podrace.  As the Jedi and their companions become closer to this young lad, who seems to possess mysterious powers, they realize that he is even more talented then they originally thought.  As they seek to restore Naboo to its former glory and end the blockade of the Trade Federation, this young boy’s future will be changed forever.  Does this sound boring to anyone else? Good, because it is.

     I love I love love love love love love love love Star Wars.  I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate this movie.  So much.  This might be the dullest and most boring movie to ever grace a film screen.  The action is uninteresting and unexciting, and the characters are so droll its downright offensive.  The visual effects aren’t bad for a film released 11 years ago, but the film suffers from major CGI overload.  I don’t understand how in a movie that is probably 90% CGI, that Yoda had to be portrayed by the ugliest puppet of all time.  I know George Lucas plays by his own rules, but they should at least make sense.
     Did I mention that this film was boring?  Seriously, if I wasn’t a die-hard Star Wars fan, I would never watch this movie ever, and even I’ve considered skipping it all together when I re-watch the entire series every year.  I don’t know how George Lucas was able to make a movie about Jedi, Podracing, interplanetary intrigue, and lightsaber dueling boring, but he did.  Oh wait, I know.  It’s when he decided to center the movie on a BLOCKADE, and make the climax of the movie a CONGRESSIONAL HEARING.  Star Wars is exciting, senate hearings are not. 

     The dialouge, if one can even call the dribble that comes out of his characters mouth “dialogue”, is stunted and dull at best, and cringingly terrible at worst.  His character recite his script like robots, even when what they are saying is something no thinking or emotional human being would say.  It’s all exposition, and no feeling.  I mean seriously George, how you thought “Are you an angel?” was a good line I will never know.  I have never cringed more in a movie more than I did while watching The Phantom Menace.  George Lucas has never been a good writer, but his old stuff didn’t use to make me cringe.  This is the perfect example of why you should never give any ONE man too much creative control over a product, even a self-proclaimed demi-god like George Lucas.

     Did I mention this movie was boring?  Yeah, it was.  There are so many useless plot points that not only detract from the main important story, the story of Anakin’s rise and fall as a Jedi, but are BORING.  No one cares about the bureaucratic dealings of a corrupt Senate, or the red tape that Queen Amidala must cut through in order to save the people of Naboo from “extermination” that is actually never seen on film.  The purpose of the prequel trilogy should have been to introduce the audience to Anakin Skywalker, and portray his life as Jedi over a long period of time, show his friendship with Obi-Wan, and then his eventual downfall and extermination of the Jedi Order, to tie into exposition stated in the Original Trilogy.  Instead, we are given Gungan/human race relations, trade disputes, and bureaucratic red tape.  All which distract from the main story, and aren’t even interesting enough to warrant being in the movie.  And speaking of Anakin…

     Anakin Skywalker.  This has been a theme in this review that I don’t know what George Lucas was thinking when he did something related to this movie, but this might be George’s greatest blunder.  Why would you want to make Anakin Skywalker 9 FREAKIN YEARS OLD?  HE’S SO STUPID.  All of his actions, his Podracing for example, are unbelievable for any human being, but impossible to believe about a 9 year old kid.  Instead of coming off as innocent and naïve, he comes across as annoying and invasive, and too darn arrogant for his own good.  Every time he is on screen, I am cringing the whole time, and I can barely stand to watch.

     I was wrong.  Making Anakin Skywalker a 9 year old wasn’t George Lucas’ biggest blunder, creating Jar Jar Binks was his biggest blunder.  There has never been a character, possibly in the entire history of cinema that was as offensive, off-putting, useless, pointless, disgusting, racially insensitive, and as downright stupid as Jar Jar Binks.  Not only is his manner of speech possibly offensive to certain Jamaican regions, his purpose in the movie is virtually non-existent.  His sole purpose in the movie, other than to provide “comic relief”, which is neither comical nor a relief, is to take Qui-Gon and Obi Wan to Gunga City, where they learn that the Gungans and the Naboo do not like each other, and then receive passage to the Naboo capital.  This was unnecessary and useless story points, that could have been reworked to make a more exciting and cohesive story.  Jar Jar was a fatal addition that could have been avoided, and his presence nearly destroys the movie.  Not that the movie wasn’t already destroyed by this point, but his presence certainly didn’t help.  George Lucas claims that Star Wars is a film made for children and that children love Jar Jar, but by saying that he is admitting his wrong mistakes.  Star Wars is not made for children; it is made for people of all ages, and must be equally enjoyed by children and adults.  George has obviously lost the touch.

     What makes this movie even sadder for me is that I can look through all the boring, superfluous, badly acted parts of the movie and I can see the beginning stages of a good movie.  I see a little boy who longs to be a Jedi knight, but cannot control his feelings of lust and power.  I see a Republic that is corrupt and bureaucratic, and a Jedi order that is arrogant and faulty.  The beginning stage of the first chapter of an epic saga is formed, but George Lucas gets weighed down by unnecessary plot points, boring characters, and flashy CGI animation. 

     It's sad for me to say this about a Star Wars film, but I honestly hate this film.  I do not enjoy watching it, and it is an all-around unpleasant experience.  The only redeeming factor of this film is Darth Maul, who might be the baddest Sith Lord of all time, and easily the coolest, with one of the greatest sword duels in the history of cinema.  And he has two lines in the film.  Oh George, where did you go wrong?  When did you forget things like story, character, and fun?  Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace is the worst of all the Star Wars films, with flat, one-dimensional characters, an uninteresting and uninspiring story, and dull action that is overlaid with too much CGI.  1.5/5.
My rankings for the Star Wars films
1. Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (This is the last this film will EVER be number 1 on any list of films I’ll ever do.)